I seem to be stuck on this topic of training our kids this week. Not sure why it won’t leave my head. So…I’m just going to go with it…..
When our children watch how we communicate and handle relationships, they are learning what to do and will more than likely do the same thing in their relationships. So, if you don’t handle your communication and relationships in a healthy way, then your kids probably won’t either.
If however, you demonstrate good healthy communication, your kids are more likely to emulate that. Having regular family meetings is a time to come together and discuss challenges in our communication and relationships. As adults, we can tell our kids about a difficult conversation we had at work and teach them how it applies to their lives and school
Please don’t roll your eyes and say “yeah right……” Please take the time to teach your kids. Train your kids. Your goal as a parent should be to raise good productive healthy kids. Yes this includes physical health, but it also includes relational health.
Self reflection can be very painful sometimes. Especially when we have to take a good hard look at ourselves and realize our faults and areas which need improvement. It’s okay. It will only hurt for a short time. Yes it makes you vulnerable. That’s okay too.
Let me know some communication challenges you have in your relationships. Let’s start a conversation about our struggles and ways to improve things.
When you’re trying to teach your children to fix habits of communication, keep in mind how hard it is for us adults to change something that has been a habit for 30 years. Our children are always in ‘training’ as we teach them how to think, grow, act, and become adults.
Yes we teach them right from wrong. But we are also responsible for teaching them how to communicate. By teaching them to communicate effectively and recognize emotions, they will be better adjusted, go farther in their careers, and have healthier friendships.
When you teach your kids how to improve their communication, don’t berate them and make them feel stupid. Gently teach them to recognize what they did and how they could do it better in the future. For example, maybe your son rolled his eyes with a deep sigh as his sister announced being the lead in the upcoming school play. Once his sister is out of earshot you can address the real issue with your son. Keep in mind that this conversation may be better later in the day when you can talk without interruptions.
You will need to explain to your son that although acting in the school play isn’t something he would do or something he is interested in, it’s important to support his sister in her interests and activities. You could also explain that this is an act of respect toward each other. Eye rolling and sighs of irritation could be replaced with quiet listening or questions of interest. Questions could sound like “what made you decide to audition?” or “How long is the play?” This shows that he is interested and sends the message to his sister that she is important to him. We all want others to be interested in us. It just feels good and makes us feel connected.
If you teach (or as I like to say train) your children as they grow and develop, they will be better able to handle friendships, work relationships and romantic relationships with positive communication.
A common feeling in today’s world…..
Originally posted on Catherine Bennett:
The first thing my mother asked me was, ‘Won’t you be lonely?’ I’d just rung her to tell her that I had finally got the green light from a landlord about a studio in Paris I wanted. Filled with jubilation – finally! a place of my own! – her question stopped me short. The idea of loneliness had never actually occurred to me. I’ve never lived alone before, but I’m an independent person and I like my solitude. I craved privacy, alone-ness, but not loneliness. How can you be lonely, in a city as thrumming and alive as Paris?
But increasingly, urban loneliness is on the rise. According to the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA), today more than half of the world’s population is living in an urban centre. By 2030, this number will have increased to 6 out of every 10 people living in either a town or a city. And to anyone who has undergone the inevitable human experience of feeling lonely in the middle of a crowd, it’s obvious that being surrounded by people does not necessarily make for happiness.
Not only is urban living becoming the norm, but also the growing numbers of people living alone. A study by INED (Institut national d’études démographiques) in 2010 found that the number of people living alone in Metropolitan France had increased by almost 25% since 1999. In all, it amounts to around 15% of the French population living in solitude.
We often make promises to ourselves at this time of year in hopes of improving our lives for the incoming new year. This is interesting when you really look at what we promise ourselves. Wait. I just thought of something. We are also making promises to others when we post on social media what we plan to do and change next year.
You know what these resolutions (promises) sound like: I’m going to lose weight; I’m going to stop being critical; I’m going to stop being sarcastic; I’m going to spend more time with my kids; I’m going to call my parents every weekend.
I wonder what the statistics for success are on new year’s resolutions. Hmmm…..
Anyway…back to what I was saying….. I suggest that we break the year down into little tasks that are much more doable. Not monthly tasks. Not weekly tasks. My suggestion is a daily task of change in order to really make things stick. As Ghandi said, “we must be the change we want in the world.” We need to stop wishing and hoping for our changes, and instead, actually make them happen. If you say you’re going to lose weight, then do what you need to be successful. If you say you’re going to call your parents on the weekend, put it on your calendar with a reminder on your phone. If you want to stop being sarcastic, then each time you hear yourself making sarcastic remarks, stop, admit your mistake out loud, apologize, and move on.
You could keep a daily journal of your mistakes and progress. I prefer an old fashioned pen and paper journal, but you could certainly use your phone or tablet to keep notes in. Be realistic and don’t be too hard on yourself when you take a step back toward your old habits. Each day is a new opportunity to be better and do better. Yesterday is in the past, leave it there. Today is all you have so try to embrace it, enjoy it, be a better person, and admit mistakes in order to learn from them. You don’t need other people to help you by calling you out on your changes or remind you to not have a second piece of pie. The promises you make for the new year are your responsibility. You need to own this process. Own the challenge, mistakes, progress, results, and success. I doubt you’ll be disappointed.
As I’ve said many times – you can’t do perfect, but you can do better.
I recently conducted a coaching session with someone who needed to have a family meeting with her adult sisters and her mother. I gave her some great ideas and suggested how to ease into the meeting. You can read her endorsement on my testimonial page. But wait…here’s what I have to say…..